If your child attends Caterpillar Cottage, you may have heard Andrea or myself recommend spending time focused on what your child wants to do. We refer to this as special time. This concept and term comes from a parenting organization called Hand in Hand Parenting. The tools from this parenting approach are some that we often recommend for parents of young children. The method is not the only one we recommend, but we do find that they offer strategies that can be very effective, and we wanted to discuss them a bit more here.
The preschool years are full of wonder—and big emotions. Children ages 2½ to 5 are learning independence, testing boundaries, and navigating feelings they don’t yet know how to manage. The Hand in Hand Parenting approach offers parents practical, emotionally supportive tools rooted in one core idea: children do best when they feel deeply connected to the adults who care for them. And we agree.
When children feel safe, seen, and connected, cooperation and emotional well-being grow naturally. When that sense of connection is missing, behavior often becomes more challenging. Hand in Hand Parenting focuses on filling a child’s “connection cup” through listening, play, and warmth—rather than rewards or punishments.
Filling the Connection Cup
Challenging behavior is not a sign of a “bad” child or parent—it’s often a sign of stress or disconnection. Tantrums, defiance, and power struggles usually mean a child’s connection cup is running low. The tools presented below help refill that cup so that children feel secure, emotionally regulated (calm, centered) and more ready to cooperate.
Special Time: Undivided attention can build emotional security
Special Time is a short, regular period when a parent gives full attention to their child. We always tell parents that this can be 5, 10 or 15 minutes, but the point is that it’s a period of time where you are following the child, and not the other way around. This of course is in the realm of activities that are safe.
How it works:
Let your child choose the activity
Put away phones and distractions (perhaps set a timer if you need to wind down at a specific time).
Follow their lead without correcting them or teaching them
Keep it short and predictable (5–15 minutes- and your child knows when to expect it)
For young children, even a few minutes of full attention sends a powerful message: “You matter to me.” This often reduces clinginess, attention-seeking behavior, and power struggles later in the day. In our busy and stressful worlds, it’s understandable when parents are distracted by their phones, but trying to minimize this is very helpful for young children.
Staylistening: Supporting big feelings instead of shutting them down
Young children experience big emotions they cannot yet regulate on their own. Staylistening means staying close, calm, loving, and present while your child cries, yells, or melts down.
You may need to hold a gentle limit—such as stopping hitting or unsafe behavior—while also offering empathy:
“I won’t let you throw toys. You’re really upset, and I’m right here.”
Crying and emotional release help children process stress. When feelings are listened to rather than rushed away, children often emerge calmer, more connected, and more flexible.
Playlistening and Laughter: Using play and laughter to dissolve power struggles
Laughter is one of the most powerful—and overlooked—tools in parenting young children. Hand in Hand Parenting uses Playlistening, a form of play that invites laughter and connection, especially during moments of tension or power struggles.
Examples include:
Pretending to be silly, clumsy, or confused (“Wait did you say you wore the spaghetti??”)
Letting your child “win” a playful struggle
Exaggerating roles (you’re the baby, they’re the grown-up)
Laughter helps release stress and restores a sense of safety. It’s especially helpful when things feel “sticky”—getting dressed, leaving the park, or sharing toys. Instead of escalating control, playful connection often softens resistance and brings cooperation more easily. Teacher Andrea often uses this strategy to reconnect if a child is having a hard time and that is preventing connection or making it hard for the child to hear her.
Setting Limits with Empathy: Clear boundaries paired with connection
Hand in Hand Parenting encourages parents to set firm, loving limits while staying emotionally connected.
For example:
“I won’t let you hit. I know you’re angry. I’m here with you.”
Children feel safest when adults are calm, loving, and confident. If we communicate stress, children pick up on that. When limits are paired with empathy, children learn that their feelings are accepted—even when certain behaviors are not.
Supporting the Parent: Because connection starts with you
This approach also recognizes that parenting young children is demanding. Parents need spaces to release stress and feel supported. When parents are listened to and cared for, they have more patience and presence for their children. Finding the things that fill your cup are just as important to your child’s experience as they are to yours.
Connection isn’t extra—it’s essential. We hope that if you read this blog, you find these approaches helpful.